Brittany's+Argument+Writing

Banning of Smoking
Tobacco is one of the most wide-spread drugs, mainly used in cigarettes, cigars and pipes. As well as being harmful to the smoker, it also harms others environments, making it an issue everywhere. A key question for this argument is: Do health risks on the packets turn people off? Pros Nearly everyone agrees that smoking is harmful. Research shows that smokers have 22 times more chance of developing lung cancer than non-smokers. It also causes other problems, such as heart disease. One of the main responsibilities is protecting the population. That’s probably why drugs and speeding are illegal. It would therefore be reasonable to ban smoking- an activity that kills millions of people each year. And it causes more deaths than AIDS, alcohol, murders, car crashes, fires and suicides combined. Freedom is an important issue, but it’s the tobacco companies that we should be against. If a company makes food or another product that is faulty or poisonous, the product is immediately taken off the market. Since all cigarettes and other tobacco products are lethal, they should be taken off the market. Most people who smoke are law-abiding citizens, but some are not. Many want to stop but it becomes a want for them, that they have to have it. Banning smoking could make it easier to ease people down, to get them off this ‘high’. I think that that’s the way to stop it. Cons Cigarettes are very different from harmful food and faulty cars. As the proposition points out, cigarettes are not harmful. In fact, that’s the opposite. People should be allowed to buy these products because it brings them pleasure, like fatty food. They are both bad for you, but it is not the producers fault. Consumers simply like the taste of fatty food. Therefore, people should be allowed to have cigarettes and fatty food-it brings them pleasure, even though there are associated health risks. Hard drugs and tobacco are two different things-tobaccos are not destructive like illegal narcotics, nor is it addictive like heroin. It is also not a mind-addling substance that leads to personality changes and/or violence. In this sense, it is less harmful then alcohol. People are able to refrain if they want to live a healthier life, but many enjoy it as a part of their everyday lives. It would be crazy for government to abolish something that so many people enjoy. Plus, it would lose tax revenue from tobacco sales. The evidence of passive smoking is very slim indeed, with very few controlled studies being carried out. At the most, those who live as heavy smokers for a long period of time may have a slightly increased chance of developing cancer. It is true that smoke-filled environments can be unpleasant for non-smokers, such as children. But there are responsible ways around this- smoking rooms at offices and airports are an excellent example. Restricting smoking in certain public areas may be appropriate, but banning it is absolute lunacy. There is no good evidence that either of these measures will have any impact on tobacco consumption. Most people smoke because of peer pressure-things being too hard at work, at home or anywhere else. Many smoke even though they know the health risks. I personally hate smoking. It kills people every day, and develops other diseases apart from lung cancer. I think smoking should be banned because of all the problems it causes. **ARGUMENT CRITERIA** Learning Intention: To write an argument, clearly expressing and explaining points of view for and against the topic.  || **1 ** || **2 ** || **3 ** || Introduction doesn’t state what the argument is OR introduction is confused and / or unclear. || Topic is introduced but is not detailed enough to give the reader an in depth understanding of the argument. || Topic is introduced with relevant background information explaining why it is controversial. || Reasons in support of the argument are not convincing, don't support it or are irrelevant. || Reasons are given in support of the argument but lack evidence / examples. || Clear and accurate reasons and evidence given in support of the argument || Reasons against the argument are not mentioned OR they are mentioned but are not convincing / irrelevant ... || Reasons against the argument are discussed but lack evidence or examples. || Reasons against the argument are discussed and supported by factual evidence / examples. || No conclusion. || Conclusion given but it is too brief to summarise the argument or give the writer’s point of view. || Well constructed conclusion. || || Writing is aimless and disorganised OR writing is organised but it is not set in the correct format. || Writing is logically sequenced. || The order and structure of the information is compelling and moves the reader through the text. || Writing is too formal or too informal. It sounds like the writer doesn’t like the topic or doesn't know anything about it (research not used). || Writer seems sincere but is not fully involved - it could have been written by anyone. Some attempt is made to influence / persuade the reader. || Writer speaks directly to the reader. The piece gives a strong sense of the reasons for & against the argument – a persuasive piece of writing. || Words used are often dull or uninspired. No attempt is made to use vocabulary consistent with expositions. || Routine word choices are made but includes some words which are consistent with exposition writing || Used a wide range of words /phrases (transitions) which are consistent with argument writing. || Sentences are incomplete, awkward or don’t make sense; they need work. Many sentences begin the same way. || Sentences are usually constructed correctly. Some variety is attempted with sentence beginnings. || Sentences are well constructed. Sentences vary in length and structure and purposeful and varied sentence beginnings have been used. || No paragraphing OR some attempt has been made to use paragraphs || Paragraphing is mostly correct. || Correct use of paragraphs || Frequent mistakes interfere with the message of the piece of writing. || There are more than a couple of minor errors. || Mainly error free work. || Work has been rushed / left until the last minute and is obviously not a ‘best effort’. || Effort is evident but more times need to be spent carefully editing / correcting the work. || Time has obviously been spent developing ideas into a quality piece of writing. || Self / Peer Comment:
 * Introduction ** ||
 * Introduction ** ||
 * Reasons in support of the claim ** ||
 * Reasons in support of the claim ** ||
 * Reasons against the claim ** ||
 * Reasons against the claim ** ||
 * Conclusion ** ||
 * Conclusion ** ||
 * Organisation **
 * Organisation **
 * Voice and Tone ** ||
 * Voice and Tone ** ||
 * Word Choice ** ||
 * Word Choice ** ||
 * Sentence Fluency ** ||
 * Sentence Fluency ** ||
 * Paragraphs ** ||
 * Paragraphs ** ||
 * Mechanics ** ||
 * Mechanics ** ||
 * Effort (Editing, Time Management) ** ||
 * Effort (Editing, Time Management) ** ||

Teacher Comment: